I just found a story that I wrote about a year and a half ago. It's all true and tells the story of a summer spent on Cape Cod. I thought you might like to read it. It's really bad, but there are few good moments I think. I don't know how to use an LJ cut...so you're just going to have to deal with the length...sorry guys..................................................
You always hear people talk about those summers. You know the ones that change their lives forever. And you always think that those people are really full of it. They talk about their walks on the beach and holding hands, the moonlit kisses and life altering feelings. Before that summer, I was like all of you. I thought these people were sentimental idiots over exaggerating a simple fling. Now I know better. Now I am one of those idiots. That summer my life was changed forever. My life has been changed and I will never be the same.
The summer started out like usual. I went up to Wellfleet on Cape Cod where I spend the summers helping my grandmother. Generally, I work all summer and do pretty much nothing else. I know two other people. The librarian, who I talk to frequently on my trips to get books, and Daniel, another boy my age who I’ve known my whole life but I usually only spend time with maybe three times a summer. It was one of those family friendships that go back generations. Our great-grandparents knew each other and so our grandparents did and so on and so forth. Our cottages sit on the same pond and so we grew up learning how to swim together. You know, things like that. For the most part though, my summers were generally routine. That summer, things changed. I felt like something exciting was going to happen, but what I didn’t know was that it would changed my as a person forever.
Like I said, my summer started out pretty normal. My mom came up and she actually allowed me to bring a friend up, Hope. I love it up there and so it was wonderful being able to experience that with her. The very first day she came we took a walk around the pond and on the way we stopped at Daniel’s cottage. After talking for a while the three of us went back to my cottage and we played Monopoly. “No one ever beats me at Monopoly,” Daniel claimed.
“Well, I guess we’ll have to see about that now won’t we mister?” I joked.
“Try your hardest but you won’t win. I always win. That’s why nobody ever wants to play with me.”
“Maybe the reason no one wants to play with you is because you take ten years to roll the stupid dice!”
“Wait, it’s my turn?”
“Um…yea!”
“Oh, sorry.” Needless to say I beat him badly. I walked him home and on the way he kicked a little bit of water up at me. Now, I should mention that ever since I was thirteen I’ve had a crush on Daniel. I never said anything to him or course and he never showed any interest so I had left it alone for the last four years. This little splashing of the water though caught my attention. Was he interested in me, I wondered? I didn’t know so I left it alone once again.
After Hope and my mom left I had the cottage to myself for four days. It was Heaven let me tell you! Well, the second day I went over to Daniel’s cottage and stayed there for a few hours. “You know you can come over later if you want to,” he said.
“Why is it that I always have to come over here to see you? Why don’t you come see me every once in awhile? Why don’t you make the ten minute trek though the water and sand for once?”
“What? No, you should just come here.”
“No, I don’t think so. I’m gonna go now, but just know that if you want you can come over later tonight.” I left and was certainly not thinking that he would come over. After all, why would he? He’d never showed any interest in a real friendship before.
So, here it is about eight thirty in the evening. I’m in the middle of the woods with no one around me for ten acres. I’m sitting at a table by the window working on a puzzle. My hair is a total mess from swimming, I’m wearing a long chorus t-shirt from two years ago and black cotton shorts that come just above the knees. Needless to say, I looked less than fabulous when all of a sudden I hear this voice go “Hello.” Let me tell you I’ve never jumped out a chair so fast in my life. Here I am surrounded by nothing but woods and some ones says hello to me. I freaked. Daniel thought it was the funniest thing ever. He couldn’t stop laughing. So, he came inside and we started talking. It always seemed a little difficult for us to make conversation but tonight there was a different tension in the air, as if we were both expecting something to happen but unsure of what it would be. We set out to take my grandpa’s toy boy out for a spin around the pond but we were unable to find the gas. Daniel settled for reading the instruction manual. I sat down next to him and began reading as well. A little nerdy you say? Well, yes it was, but in the middle of the woods at nine at night with no TV and no computer, reading an instruction manual sounds pretty exciting don’t you think? Maybe not. So here we were, two teenagers sitting on a couch next to each other home alone reading the manual to a toy boy-sounds exciting doesn’t it? Yea well, I’m getting to the good part.
So, I started flirting with him. Not a lot a first and not very obviously but flirting nonetheless. Finally, I got up the nerve to take a pillow and put it on his lap and lay my head on it. We kept talking. Conversation seemed to be coming a lot easier than it had before. Soon, he rested his hand on my arm. I can’t even begin to describe the sensations I got from that first touch. Soon, his hand was gently running up and down my arm. As the minutes progressed I sat up and my head found his shoulder and my arm wrapped around his stomach. My hand ran up and down his side and I found his first weakness-he was ticklish! A couple of times I looked up at him and I could have sworn that he was about to kiss me but he didn’t. I was getting frustrated. I wanted to kiss him and I had a strong feeling that he wanted to kiss me. Finally, I looked up at him and said, “Well?”
“Well, what?”
“Well, were you planning on kissing me any time soon or what?”
“Uh…yea.” And with tat he leaned in and kissed me. That first kiss I will never forget. There simply are no words to describe what I was feeling.
Better than the kiss was the look on Daniel’s face when we broke away. It was utter astonishment mixed with undeniable joy. I almost had to laugh when I saw his face because here I was, waiting for this for four years, and then here’s Daniel probably never expecting something like this to happen in a million years. “Wow, that was unexpected,” he said.
“Yea, I know what you mean. Did you like it though?”
He must have liked what he felt because after a brief delay he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me again. I never wanted to let go. If I had the choice I would have frozen time and stayed in his arms forever, forsaking all other people. I know that sounds extreme, but as that point in time I had everything in the world that I had ever wanted. I always knew that I liked Daniel and that I though something could happen between us, but what I didn’t know was just how strongly I could feel about him.
When he left that night I remember holding him so tightly. I didn’t want him to go. “No, don’t go. No yet,” I said with my arms around and my head on his chest.
“I have to go. It’s already past eleven. I’ve been here for almost three hours. My mom will start wondering where I’m at.”
“Will I see you tomorrow?”
“Yes, I’ll come over in the morning before I go to work.”
“Promise?”
“Double promise” he said with a smile on his face. He promised but I was so afraid of waking up any minute and finding everything to be a dream that I clung to him tightly. He kissed me then again and repeatedly and again and then he finally left. I walked back into the house in an absolute daze. I fell asleep on the couch in the early morning hours after replaying the night in my head over and over again.
The next morning I woke up and found Daniel hovering over my face. He’d kissed me awake! After I got up things between us were a little awkward. I think that we both were wondering whether or not we wanted what happened last night to continue. I let him know that I did by going up and hugging him. He held me back in agreement and then we kissed.
He dropped me off at work and told me he’d pick me up around four thirty. I spent the rest of the day waiting for the clock to pass the time. My grammie was so oblivious to the glow around my face. She just thought it was nice that the two of us were finally becoming friends. “His grandparents and I always knew that you two could be close friends.” Close was right, just probably not the close they were talking about. When he finally showed up I nearly jumped out of my chair. I was able to restrain myself and walk to his car and got in. We spent the rest of the day together. My grandmother showed up around six and Daniel and I made plans to go somewhere around seven thirty.
When I got to his cottage he was alone. “I love this place”
“I want to burn it to the ground. I hate it!”
“But why?”
“Because I just hate being up here, being away from my friends. It sucks.”
“It’s not really that bad. I do the same thing you know.”
“Well, you’re here now which makes it OK I guess.” I went to play punch him but he grabbed my hand, pulled me towards him, wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. I melted.
We ended up going to the beach that night. I remember that my hair went flying everywhere and I got very cold so Daniel took off his sweatshirt and gave it to me. He pretty much froze that night. We sat on the beach for almost an hour. It was the most cliché thing I think I’ve ever done. First of course it was the walking on the beach hand in hand as the sun was setting. I never thought people actually did that outside of movies until I did that. Then we sat on the beach and talked while we watched the stars glow like fireflies (we’re both big fans of stars). Now tell me, how much more cliché can you get? Honestly? I never thought I would be the one walking along the beach wit the sun setting holding hands with a guy.
When I got home that night I floated to my room. It was insane how incredible I felt. My grandmother woke me up the next morning telling me I must have been having a really good dream because I was smiling while I was sleeping. I smiled to myself knowing that in reality it wasn’t a dream that was making me smile- it was reality. The rest of the day I couldn’t think of anything else except for how long it was take for work to be over so that I could see Daniel. The day seemed to crawl by slower and slower. It was the longest eight hours of my life, but as soon as I saw Daniel, the minutes seemed to turn like seconds. Time had become fluid. It moved at its own will and chose to torment while he was away and tease me when he was near. I grew to hate time. I wanted it to freeze or have a rewind button that I could replay each seconds again and again.
Time could not be frozen though. So, the days passed on one to another and looking back now the time really did wash away. Two weeks was all I was given. That’s all I had with the first guy that I actually fell in love with. Crazy you call me? Think it’s impossible? Yea, I use to think so too. Now I know better. It may be rare and hard to find, but it can happen and does happen. I know now in the depths of my heart that love is real and someone can be truly happy despite what is going on the in the world around us.
Every night was truly amazing and I can remember them all so vividly still in my head. We went for ice cream a few nights before I left. There was the first time we went to Province Town. We looked through all the shops holding hands acting like we were tourists, which of course we weren’t. One night we drove up to Race Point, which is the very tip of the Cape. It was so beautiful there. The stars were shining and the breeze was cool. We sat there on the beach with the waves crashing in and the fireflies dancing around us.
Then there was the second time we went to Province Town. This time I had one of the more romantic sentimental moments. I asked him to come because I was looking a ring to buy. I wanted a clauddagh, the ring with the hands, heart and crown. When we found a shop that had them I didn’t know which one to buy so I asked Daniel which one he liked best. The one he chose was not one of my favorites. The design was much smaller and harder to see. I wasn’t sure if I liked it or not but it was Daniel’s favorite and so I bought it. I put it on as soon as we left and he grabbed my hand, held it to his face and asked “Do you like it?” At first I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings but I honestly was sure if I liked it or not.
“I love it” I said after about two minutes. And honestly I did. I fell in love with that ring in two minutes and after two weeks I would know a greater love.
On the way home that night we stopped at Long Pond. At night the water is so captivating. The moon bounces off the water and the light from the houses reflect off the water. It’s peaceful and innocent. We parked the car and got out. We walked down the little path and sat down on the grass. He wrapped his arm around me and gently ran his hand up and down my arm. I got chills and it wasn’t just from the coolness of the air. He started kissing me and I felt something new creep inside me. Was this what I thought it was? Could it possibly be? All around me the world seemed to fade slowly away until it was just me and him. No clouds, no stars, no water, no sound. We were alone in the universe with nothing holding us back and everything urging us forward. As things seemed to progress a striking thought came into my head. I only have four days left. I pulled away not wanting to spoil a moment-a soon to be memory-of pure innocence, of unspoiled love. What love? Did I say love? Yes, I had finally admitted to myself that I was indeed falling in love with Daniel. I was falling in love with someone that I could truly never have. For a few minutes I was off in my mind wondering about what I should do. Should I end it right now? Should I leave it how it is? Or should I take this as far as it could go? I immediately threw out the first idea. There was no one way now for me just to ignore what I was feeling. I just couldn’t. Not now anyways. I decided just to let my head lead the way. When the time came I would know what to do.
The next three days went by in almost a blur. It was so long ago and our time was so short. Still, even now I remember exactly what it feels like to kiss him and I remember vividly the way my skin would become flaming cold from his touch. The chills I got sent fire into my whole body.
The last night he held me as tight as humanly possible. We were both dreading the morning. We knew that in reality what we had was over with out it ever really starting. There was a silence between us and an invisible barrier separating us. In our minds we were already separated by a thousand miles even if we were only a hand touch away on the couch. I couldn’t take it anymore. I turned to him and kissed him. He grabbed me back in an urgency that I don’t think either of us had expected. We wanted-well really we needed to be as close as possible; to know that no matter how far apart we were we would always be able to feel the other’s presence when we needed to. I knew now what I should do and so I let it happen. It came naturally and that night is something that I don’t think either of us shall ever forget or regret.
Morning came and as the sun rose in the sky it faded in my heart. It was time. Time to leave behind the person I’d come to love. Daniel stopped by the morning and up in my room he merely grabbed my in his arms and held me. He held me as the tears in my eyes began to roll down my cheeks. He started kissing my forehead and I looked up into his eyes and I saw that he too had tears in them. It was the bittersweet moment of my entire life. “It will be ok, I promise. We’ll see each other next year. Don’t cry please.”
“I can’t help it. It’s just not fair. It shouldn’t be this way. I don’t want to leave.”
“I know but we can’t help that. You have to go.”
“I know and it’s breaking my heart.” He drove away that morning and I watched for as long as I could. It’s been nearly two years since that day and yet it seems like a moment ago. There hasn’t been a day when I haven’t thought about him. We talk frequently but it’s not the same. It’s hard to become so close and then be torn apart. Sometimes I allow myself to be sad but I always come out of that state happy that at least I was given the opportunity to experience love, real love, at such a young age. Love truly is the greatest gift that one can give and that one can receive.
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